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Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape, by Peggy Orenstein
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
A Time Top 10 Book of the Year • A San Francisco Chronicle Book of the Year
The author of the New York Times bestseller Cinderella Ate My Daughter offers a clear-eyed picture of the new sexual landscape girls face in the post-princess stage—high school through college—and reveals how they are negotiating it.
A generation gap has emerged between parents and their girls. Even in this age of helicopter parenting, the mothers and fathers of tomorrow’s women have little idea what their daughters are up to sexually or how they feel about it. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.
While the media has focused—often to sensational effect—on the rise of casual sex and the prevalence of rape on campus, in Girls and Sex Peggy Orenstein brings much more to the table. She examines the ways in which porn and all its sexual myths have seeped into young people’s lives; what it means to be the “the perfect slut” and why many girls scorn virginity; the complicated terrain of hookup culture and the unfortunate realities surrounding assault. In Orenstein’s hands these issues are never reduced to simplistic “truths;” rather, her powerful reporting opens up a dialogue on a potent, often silent, subtext of American life today—giving readers comprehensive and in-depth information with which to understand, and navigate, this complicated new world.
- Sales Rank: #238 in Books
- Brand: HARPER
- Published on: 2017-03-07
- Released on: 2017-03-07
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .76" w x 5.31" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
- HARPER
Amazon.com Review
An Amazon Best Book of April 2016: It would be easy to pigeonhole Girls & Sex as essential reading only for parents of female teens or preteens. But as I traveled deeper into Orenstein’s honest and thoughtful exploration of “the complicated new landscape” of sex as seen from the points of view of seventy high school and college-age girls she interviewed, I realized this book is for anyone who cares for a girl approaching womanhood, whether she is a daughter, niece, granddaughter, or friend of the family. Orenstein is the perfect guide, empathetic with the girls she interviews while also calling out how views on being “hot,” consensual sex, drinking, and the very definition of virginity and intercourse has changed in the past ten or twenty years. She’s so direct, the reader can’t help but face how dramatically the landscape has shifted. (I admit to being horrified at the latest definition of “second base.” But better to be wide-eyed than blind.) It’s a tribute to Orenstein’s perceptive investigations and her ability to make you question your own long-held beliefs about young people and sex that as I turned the last page, I felt an intense desire to read a Boys & Sex edition so that our young men could be given the clear voice that Orenstein has given young women. —Adrian Liang
Review
“Provocative and thoughtful.... Both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it.... The breadth of Orenstein’s reporting ... is impressive.” (Laura Stepp, Washington Post)
“Nonsensational but deeply entertaining…. A must-read.” (People, Book of the Week)
“A nuanced read for anyone who remembers being a young woman and anyone who is raising the next generation of girls (and boys) for whom we hope the future holds sexual satisfaction, not pain or disappointment.” (Rebecca Traister, More)
“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” (Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon)
“Thought-provoking. . .Girls & Sex is full of thoughtful concern and empathetic questions.” (Cindi Leive, New York Times Book Review, cover review)
“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” (Adrian Liang, Amazon Best Book of the Month citation)
“Girls & Sex should be mandatory for anyone who cares about the present and future cultural landscape for girls, women, humans. I seriously want to quit my job and tour the country, furiously hawking Peggy Orenstein’s insightful, important book.” (Rashida Jones, actress, writer, producer)
“[An] important new book.... Her writing is clear and compelling, her analysis is incisive and thorough, and her findings are downright troubling.” (Sharon Holbrook, Washington Post)
“Fascinating…. A wise and sharply argued look at how girls are navigating ‘the complicated new landscape’ of sex and sexuality.” (Economist)
“An intimate view of the sex lives of young women in the United States. While revealing disturbing common threads… Orenstein brings levity to this fraught topic.” (Elle)
“’Girls & Sex’ may do more to change how sex education is rethought and how parents and daughters discuss pleasure and sexuality than any book since the landmark ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves.’” (Tamara Straus, San Francisco Chronicle)
“If you’re going to talk about women in the 21st century, you MUST read Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex. No one else is asking these questions; so no one else, then, is finding out the answers.” (Caitlin Moran, Author of How to Be a Woman)
“A smart, sobering guide to the sexual lives of young women today.” (Ann Levin, Associated Press)
“Eloquent…. [A] compact, polished, and readable… cris de coeur.” (Julia M. Klein, Boston Globe)
“With compassion and insight, Peggy Orenstein holds a mirror not only to girls’ experiences but to our own judgments. No less than the emotional health and physical safety of our daughters (and of our sons, by the way) depends on the kind of insight Girls & Sex provides.” (Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes)
“Deeply reported, passionately argued.” (Isaac Chotiner, Slate)
“Peggy Orenstein sheds light on an important and too often misunderstood topic. Her reporting shows how a healthy and direct approach to sexuality is a key component of gender equality.” (Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and founder of LeanIn.Org)
“An enlightening, sad and shocking look into the minds of teenagers and their views on casual sex, love and relationships.” (Aimee Blanchette, Minneapolis Star Tribune)
“A sequel of sorts to Orenstein’s ‘Cinderella Ate My Daughter’…. Sketches a sobering portrait.” (Oliver Wang, L.A. Times)
“Orenstein has compiled an eye-opening study of the way that girls and women in America think, feel, and act regarding sex…. The abundant information she provides will give parents and young girls the power to make informed decisions regarding sex.” (Kirkus)
“Eye-opening…. Orenstein draws powerful, humane portraits of her interview subjects, self-reliant young women who find themselves trapped by sexist stereotypes about women’s bodies and women’s pleasure. [A] smart, earnest, and timely assessment.” (Publishers Weekly, starred review)
“Accessible prose and narrative style will bring the work of many thoughtful experts to a wider audience…. Young adults, parents, educators, and activists alike will find this passionate work a timely conversation starter.” (Library Journal)
“Sex and teenagers have always gone together, but parents reading Orenstein’s frank exploration of current trends may still be in for a shock…. This isn’t a comfortable book to read (Orenstein herself admits twinges a few times), but it’s an important one.” (Booklist)
“Orenstein is such a breezy, funny, writer, it’s easy to forget she’s an important thinker too.” (People, four stars, on Cinderella Ate My Daughter)
From the Back Cover
A generation gap has emerged between parents and their girls. The mothers and fathers of tomorrow’s women have little idea what their daughters are up to sexually or how they feel about it. Drawing on in-depth interviews with more than seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.
Most helpful customer reviews
242 of 255 people found the following review helpful.
Possibly even worse is that love and care seem almost to have ...
By E. N. Anderson
As a grandfather, totally out of touch with the world of girls today, I read this book to find out what sort of world my three granddaughters are getting themselves into. It's a nightmare world. 10% of girls get violently raped, 25% get taken advantage of while drunk. Possibly even worse is that love and care seem almost to have disappeared as concepts. Sex is mostly about "hooking up." I trust my grandkids and their wonderful parents to manage this wilderness somehow, but I have some major questions for society. First, I certainly agree with the author that the most immediate and important thing is to give girls more control of their lives and feelings. The awful old pressures to conform, go along, do what boys/men want, and be passive and docile appear to be actually worse than in the 1950s when I was this age. They certainly aren't any better. Second, I also agree that one very important thing is to teach girls how to do sex right--to make it safe, enjoyable, and emotionally satisfying--which it apparently almost never is, today. We in the 1950s were utterly unprepared for sex and didn't have a clue how to enjoy it when we finally managed--it was supposed to be "fun," that was all. Apparently things are actually even worse now: the kids learn from porn, which is truly worse than nothing, for reasons covered with great explicitness in this book. Third, and this is not really stressed enough in the book, we have to do something about pop culture and the pressures on kids to conform to it and take all their standards and orientations from it. It is teaching the worst possible lessons--and not just the porn. Fourth, we have to stop glorifying the most unnatural: totally shaved bodies, plastic surgery, all sorts of piercings and so on, anything to make the body look like a pathology textbook rather than a human being. How is a girl going to have a decent love life if she thinks her body is so repulsive that she has to do all these things to it? Some pretty graphic details of hating nature are in the book (I spare the reader here).
A lot of girls are simply swearing off sex. University surveys known to me have revealed figures in the range of 20 minutes a day for "romantic activities." (Versus 7 to 8 hours for classes and studies.) So it seems like the alternative to partying is nothing, or nearly nothing. I hope this is wrong....
We as a society really have to go against the pop trash, whether it's porn, gangsta rap, other pop music, or the other horrors these days, and get the message to the kids (boys as well as girls) that sex is about love and relationships, AND can be a lot of fun, but it can't be done by conformity, least of all with porn--it has to be developed as an art in itself.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
A Must Read
By djb
A game changing, must-read for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and anyone who has relationships with young people navigating today's world of sex. Teens and young adults are facing a new uncharted world with regards to sex - a world which is dominated by the internet and its emphasis on texting, and selfies, and the fantasies driven by online porn and the Kardashians. On some level, all of the sexual liberation which arrived in the sixties, which helped women to become supposed sexual equals to men can now work against today's young women. I acknowledge that some of the stories may be anecdotal, and Orenstein does, too. Unfortunately my experience in the workplace and amongst my friends, is that the stories are the tip of the iceberg for many young women. And let's remember - meaningless and degrading sex is bad for both men and women.
In addition to exploring the real issues that face our teens and young adults, Orenstein offers example of meaningful alternatives to the post sixties style of parenting. She examines parenting styles in Norway, where in addition to open discussions about the mechanics of sex, parents are providing real guidance to achieving a healthy and mature approach to the emotional aspects of sexuality.
In our effort to be good parents, we are standing side by side with our kids on education, and in all of the arenas that help them to maximize their potential. Unfortunately, we sometimes abandon them at the door of their burgeoning sexuality as they head off to college. We tacitly approve of pre-marital sex, and provide education on birth control in hopes that they will evolve into mature adults who enjoy sex. Orenstein is helping us to understand that just as we drove them to soccer and dance lessons, they need coaching and guidance to move from puberty to emotionally fulfilled sexual beings. The process to achieve maturity with regards to sexuality needs to be discussed openly, and with the same dedication we provided to college applications and prom dresses.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
A Read To Savor
By Mary Ann Savage
Girls and women seem to be much discussed/studied. I heard about this book on the radio. I doubted if it would tell me much that I didn't already know, but I was wrong. The author studied girls and sex in a very contemporary way. Her interviews were strong and shed some new perspective on the subject.
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