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A psychologist describes what it is like for individuals who have attempted suicide and failed, drawing on case studies to assess the various ways in which unsuccessful self-destruction changes people's lives, and outlines the recovery process.
- Sales Rank: #1107299 in Books
- Published on: 1994-10-19
- Released on: 1994-10-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.58" h x 1.10" w x 5.56" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 303 pages
From Publishers Weekly
These stories of recovery by attempted suicides shed light on the stages through which people emerge from the adversity that originally drove them to try to kill themselves. Heckler, adjunct professor of counseling psychology at John F. Kennedy University in California, interviewed some 50 people for this study. The "penetrating hopelessness-the loss of faith" that has led many to attempt suicide is recalled in these accounts of people who translated their pain, whether psychic or physical, into the wish to die. Of particular significance is the section on stages of recovery, as described by those whose attempt was foiled; for them, suicide is no longer an option. These testimonies of survivors now actively engaged in life are a declaration of hope.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
For the attempter, suicide is a solution. But for the loved ones left behind-and by one conservative estimate at least 3.5 million Americans today are survivors of a loved one's suicide-it is an enigma that has to be solved. Director of the Hakomi Institute of San Francisco and a professor of counseling, Heckler examines the events and experiences of people who have attempted and recovered from a suicide and then gone on to lead rewarding and meaningful lives. The author interviewed 50 such individuals and through a representative selection of stories describes their common experiences of loss and subsequent pain. In a sort of anatomy of recovery, Heckler offers sensitive descriptions for each case and applies much of his knowledge of wellness research to the discussions. With their in-depth view of the cycle of events leading to suicide and the recovery, these poignant stories can move any reader toward greater understanding of the suicidal person. Photographer and former teacher Kuklin (Speaking Out: Teenagers Take on Race, Sex, and Identity, Putnam, 1993) focuses on the thoughts and feelings experienced by suicide survivors-defined as not only the person who attempted suicide but also their family and friends. Through a series of vignettes that capture the essence of how each person reacted, two questions asked often by survivors are addressed-Why? and What if? The targeted audience is primarily young adult readers. The issue of suicide is appropriately dealt with on this level by including such related issues as drug and alcohol involvement, responses of classmates and teachers, sexuality, and the stigma of suicide. Other books of merit and interest include George Howe Colt's The Enigma of Suicide (LJ 4/15/91), which provides a more comprehensive perspective on all aspects of suicide, and Cynthia Copeland Lewis's Teen Suicide: Too Young To Die (Enslow, 1994), which provides more comprehensive coverage for the young adult audience. Still, though neither Heckler nor Kuklin are first-choice selections, they deserve a place in all types of libraries since no one book has yet qualified as the definitive and all-purpose source to the phenomenon of suicide. (Photographs not seen for Kuklin's book.)-Dana L. Brumbelow, Auburn P.L., Ala.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Kirkus Reviews
A dramatic demystification of suicide from detailed accounts of failed suicide attempts, their circumstances, and their aftermaths. Therapist and psychology professor Heckler (John F. Kennedy Univ.) interviews 50 people, ranging from teenagers to septuagenarians, mechanics to physicians. What these people share is their ability to live meaningful lives after having failed in their suicide attempts. Heckler opens with an analysis of the most common preludes to suicide. In their own words, his subjects reveal the devastating effects of traumatic loss, extreme family dysfunction, and alienation. As each of their stories unfolds, the critical elements in the suicidal urge become identifiable. Early unresolved pain compounded by present adversity is a chief precursor of suicide. Many of the interviewees relate early experiences of loss and trauma--such as the death of a parent or sexual abuse--that they were not able to mourn: They were experts at putting up a facade. But once this facade could no longer be maintained, many of those interviewed fell into a state that Heckler identifies as the ``suicidal trance.'' At this stage, suicide seems a logical option--almost an imperative. It becomes the only sensible way to both gain control and kill the pain. But when suicide attempts fail, survivors are forced to face the reality of their self-abuse and the crisis that they were trying to ``resolve.'' In addition to grappling with the more recent calamity, Heckler's interviewees underwent a grieving process in which their original pain finally surfaced and could then be dealt with. ``Grieving actually represents the successful beginning of resolving one's past,'' he writes. The catharsis of their suicide attempts were so powerful, in fact, that many of the survivors have moved on to success in helping and counseling professions. A bibliography and resource list round out the volume. Revealing and inspiring. -- Copyright ©1994, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Waking Up Alive is a book of profound significance.
By Meg Blanchet, L.M.T., M.A.
Waking Up Alive is a book of profound significance. With stunning depth, clarity and compassion, Dr Heckler recounts the stories of suicide survivors, and gleans the essential factors they share in common. Taking it an unprecedented step further, he delves into what made it possible for them to pick up the pieces of their lives and move on. With great heart, he brings penetrating insight in clear and simple terms, laying bare and giving hope to one of the most tragic issues of humankind. This book belongs in every library, high school and counselor’s office. A book of hope for the depths of despair.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Also for survivors of completed suicides
By SilverGirl
My son completed suicide six years ago. The sections on the suicide trance are alone worth the price of the book. There is no telling how many suicides this book has prevented, but I wish it were available in paperback because guys like my son don't read books on Kindle. The hard cover is a bit pricey for most of us, so for now Kindle is better than nothing. Thank you Dr. Richard A. Heckler.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Compelling stories beautifully told, hard to hear but worth it for the wisdom
By Dorothy Paugh
I tackled this sensitive and insightful book with a (tearful) eye towards understanding what my son may have been thinking and feeling before he pulled the trigger, so it was a challenge to read the emotionally gripping stories of scores of individuals who attempted to end their lives only to wake up. While it was bittersweet for me because my son died, these powerful stories of healing are encouraging to anyone who may be contemplating or recovering from an attempt and to their loved ones. Even after more than one attempt, troubled individuals succeeded in building satisfying lives. Roughly five million Americans living now have attempted suicide. These stories prove things really can and do get better, something they could not imagine from the depths of their despair.
The author has worked as a graduate professor in psychology, writer, counselor and photographer. For this book, he traveled the United States and listened intently to 50 individuals to draw compelling portraits of their extreme hopelessness and eventual reconciliation with life. A few attempt-survivors describe profound, mystical experiences. Mental illness and/or a history of physical, emotional or substance abuse is often present, but not necessarily. There are impulsive suicides. Dr. Heckler hopes people learn to "define themselves in terms of their strengths and potential rather than their wounds."
The author lets common themes emerge organically without superimposing any order onto their raw experiences. What those who attempt suicide share is a hurtful experience for which no solace or compassion from others could be found (or accepted.) From that point on, they turned inward, isolating beneath a façade to prevent further hurt. But being alone left them too much time to rehearse, fixate on and thus amplify their pain until it filled their whole view and blocked out everything else, entering the "suicidal trance," a phrase Dr. Heckler coined.
Many of these unattended and unresolved hurts happened in childhood. Because children see themselves as the center of the universe, they internalize any traumatic loss as their own fault, unless an adult provides perspective, understanding and comfort. Weeks, months or years later, when other hurts penetrated their walls; they had no reserves, resources nor coping skills to address the accumulation of wounds. The facade that initially protected them could not be kept up indefinitely. What's worse, it shut off every path to healing by eroding their ability to reach out and perceive any reality except pain.
As described by attempt-survivors, the suicidal trance contained common elements: an image of death as an end to what they deem unbearable pain and loneliness and the only way to take control and/or make a statement. Their suicidal act broke the trance and destroyed their closely-held façade, so that when they woke up, they had to acknowledge and deal with all the pain that brought them to that point, as well as the pain of their injuries. Their wounds were recognized now in utter seriousness, for all to see. Many took a literal leap to find out they could emerge at the other end of the tunnel. Those still with us can take a "leap of faith" and learn to trust that they can experience good things in the future, even if they now see no light.
In common with those of us left behind after a suicide, these attempt-survivors went through a period of mourning, for them it's of the traumatic loss that led them to the precipice. However long they may have stifled their pain and rage for fear of getting irretrievably lost in darkness, it eventually emerged. Facing all that pain and chaos was often frightening because it felt like a loss of control, but "allowing the pain to flow without resistance" helped to dispel it. In shadows on the wall, scary things seem much bigger, but in the light, their proper proportions are revealed.
Dr. Heckler speaks of a necessary period of passive, restful contemplation without analysis, of letting thoughts, feelings and images surface, then letting them go. Support through this period of grieving was described as coming from a higher being, compassionate others willing to lend an ear or words of wisdom and encouragement, or from within, as a "knowing".
After their attempts, these attempt-survivors accepted comfort extended to them, reached out and made connections to others, opened their minds and hearts to unexpected possibilities, and found a purpose and meaning that fit them. They found a focus other than pain, established a place to root and branch out. Asking for help is a necessary, life-saving skill. Sharing our burdens reduces the weight for each one of us, as those of us who have lost a loved one to suicide and meet online at the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors can attest. In summary, an inspiring read.
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